I sit here. In my bed -- as I have for the past hour and a half. An hour and a half before my expected wake up time. I've been thinking -- worrying. A couple things that have added to my utter exhaustion for the past 6 months of my life.
Don't get me wrong. I consider myself "happy" with where my life is and where it is going. I have two jobs in a jobless world. Two jobs that make me a stronger better person on a daily basis -- they pay shit and I struggle daily to make ends meet -- but I have those two jobs. Thank the Lord, Allah, Gaia Almighty I have those two jobs!
I have friends. Friends that are thousands of miles away that is. My best friends reside in 5 different states and beyond -- the day I will see them again? Undetermined -- and honestly, if I am being quite honest, could be never. When I allow myself to think this honestly with myself, it's no wonder I struggle with depression. Life is depressing. This is how I have been letting myself think the past 2 weeks. BUT LIFE ISN'T DEPRESSING!!! I promise this to you and myself.
I decided to read blogs posted by 2 of my best friends -- Oregon and Pennsylvania. Now, Pennsylvania really got me smiling on this ice laden, April morning. She is such a colorful, beautiful writer. Something I have always aspired to be -- I will attempt to be so every now and again in my writings. Kinda gets awkward -- so I apologize. I am more of a frank writer. Gets the point across. I digress. Pennsylvania wrote about simple things. Simple times. Beautiful times. Made me think of beautiful things in my daily life: my little Princess, my children, Moose (Mussolini on a bad day -- yet still a fuzzball of joy and chuckles), and Chubs.
Oregon inspired me to write. Something I haven't done in....a year and 5 months. A year and 5 months of ingesting "happy" pills. Wow, it's been a year and 5 months of "happiness"... I digress again, shizer! Oregon's such an insightful person. Someone I really admire. And her post made me really happy for her.
It dawned on me. Just because my friends are not my roommates or classmates anymore shouldn't change what they are to me. They inspire me. And what's more--they inspire me from thousands of miles away. That's hard to find -- and I have more inspiration than I can count on my two hands. I can't help but think that there is a reason they are so far away. It would be unfair to have so many amazing people in the same area code on this big, vast, "depressing" earth.
